AW: Morning blog no. 51

I've taken to listening to music in languages that I don't understand. Then I look up the translations. It slows down my writing process but it helps me to fit the music to what I'm writing. I am tired right now. I slept poorly. I kept having nightmares that my family was injured somehow and I had to help them. Nothing quite as disturbing as the dream sight of your beloved spouse bleeding out and you're helpless to stop it.

I don't know what my subconscious mind is telling me. I'm half tempted to throw some tarot cards to help interpret that dream. At the same time, I suspect that I will get a fist full of major arcana and court cards. Which is almost always a pain in the ass to interpret. I've fallen behind in my journaling and my logging of things like what I eat and my blood sugar levels. My planner is an absolute mess and doesn't even have pages in it for this month.

I'm sick and tired of being sick. I am tired of having to count carbs for every meal. I am tired of having to write down everything I eat or drink. It makes me feel even more limited in my dietary options. And I am so tired of finger sticks and blood testing every day. If I let myself, I'll find more excuses not to do these things. I was sick for about the entire month of October. I'm well now, I really need to get back to these things.

Aside from the challenge of NaNoWriMo, I have my blogging to get back to doing on the daily themes. I have to get my rear in gear focusing on Yule presents. I have nothing finished for anyone. I feel a bit guilty about this and worry some that I am not going to have time to finish everything for everyone. I am tired. I am stressed out. And I am dealing with seasonal affective disorder. Throw on top of it some hormonal misery because my body is hitting perimenopause and all out of wack, and I'm not having a great time. But, I am going to finish my NaNoWriMo project and get all of this other stuff sorted out. Because if I don't, I'm going to feel worse.