Wednesday, November 27, 2019

AW: Morning blog 62

I haven't been happy with my writing and I have been stuck creatively in this negative feedback loop. It goes like this:

  • Get an idea for a project
  • Crippling anxiety that the project won't be 'good enough'
  • Try to work on project
  • Make some progress on project (get roughly to the middle)
  • Anxiety slams into me again that no one is going to read this
  • Try to work on project
  • Plot goes off the rails
  • Get depressed that I can't manage to stick with my plot
  • Try to work on project again.
  • Eventually finish project
  • Anxiety nails me that my work isn't good enough
  • Shove project into proverbial drawer
  • Proceed again from point one.
This doesn't just happen with my writing. I am currently working on knitting a scarf for someone's yule present. I am not even halfway done with it and I'm anxious that I picked yarn with the wrong colorway and a pattern that is all wrong for the yarn.

I fucking hate anxiety. I force myself to keep working but it gets really hard when the depression stage kicks in.

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