Craft of Writing: Grind your way through or not?

 Dear Reader,

It's a tough question when you are just burned out and you have a project sitting on your workbench. Do you grind your way through the writing process to get at least something down on paper or do you stop and take a rest? There's merits to both approaches. It gets complicated, however, when funky brain chemistry gets added to the mix. You may be the sort of writer who gets a dopamine hit when they reach word count or plot related goals. You may be the sort of writer who finds writing an escape from their stress and anxiety.  Regardless of the type of writer you are, depression sucks a lot of the joy out of the task of writing and turns it into an exercise in endurance.

Grinding your way through a project when you are depressed is a heroic accomplishment that feels like it is just not good enough to see daylight. Setting the project aside when you are depressed feels like further evidence that the lies of depression are accurate (i.e. you're not a real writer, your work isn't worth the time you put into it, etc.) and that can make your depression worse. There are times, however, that it is wise to put aside a project. If grinding your way through the project is making your depression worse, set it aside. If grinding your way through the project is making your anxiety spike, set it aside. If grinding your way through the project in anyway negatively impacts your mental or emotional health, set it aside until you are well enough to work on it again.

This is not a defeat. Your project will be there waiting for you to return to it with fresh ideas, fresh eyes, and a renewed sense of purpose. This is a tactical withdrawal from a struggle that you are heavily burdened by. This is you taking a breather so that you can come back to the project with more energy and focus. If you need to step away, do so with no shame. Shift focus to something that is restorative and spend time refilling your reserves so that you have it in you to continue to fight the good fight of writing or creating art.

NaBloPoMo 13? I surrender.

  There's no way that I am going to make up the missing posts for the remainder of this month. Being sick for two weeks with that sinus infection threw everything off. Then I got hyper-focused on writing books. Add to that the chaos of a few days of distance learning, the kids being off from school for a few days, and the typical afternoon/evening chaos when they get home from school ... Well, you can see why I made it to thirteen posts before I hung up my hat on this front.

NaBloPoMo 12: Two fisting coffee and water, come at me, bro!

 I've a full night of sleep. I'm on my second gigantic mug of coffee. I feel like I'm warmed up for working on my novel. Now I have epic music playing on my play list. Seriously, listening to this makes me feel like I've got a horde of vikings at my back cheering me on. If I get organized enough, I may take a break from the novel to write something for my pulpy scifi. I'm leaving my options open for the next blog post for today. But, if you're writing fantasy or urban fantasy, I highly recommend epic music to play in the background. It can make the scene gel in your head as you're working.

NaBloPoMo 11: Music.

 I've been playing this song on repeat since the election. It just feels appropriate. It's also been useful inspirational music for scenes that I've been writing. I have it on my NaNo2020 playlist on Spotify. The biggest scene that Dear God inspired was a massive fight scene where my characters chewed through a stronghold that was lit on fire. It was inspired by a LARP scene that my character was part of a team that did that. It was brutal and chaotic. And it seemed like all the other PCs and NPCs were just throwing everything at the big bad guy and his minions to no effect. Then my PC got the drop on him and put him out of commission. It was a fun game. It's been fun writing in this universe and recreating the LARP scenes out of memory from a different perspective. If I could share excerpts, I would. I'm doing the next best thing by sharing music that I'm writing by.

NaBloPoMo 10: Behind again, but not on word count.

 Dear Reader,

I accidentally sacrificed my blog writing time to the nap gods over the last few days. It's this lingering cold that's sucking the energy out of me. I think my fever finally broke. I'm no longer feeling dizzy and as though the world is spinning about me at a 45 degree angle at a rate of about five feet per hour. Since I was too ill to wander around the apartment doing housework, I was parked in my chair in front of the keyboard when I was awake to be writing. I'm now at 41k words on this NaNoWriMo project. My plot hasn't gone off the rails yet. I consider that a pretty big accomplishment for writing while sick.

I seem to be more prolific with something to track my word count and a goal. I'm thinking that I have to get to work on re-doing my writing bullet journal so that it is more oriented towards tracking word count for my manuscripts. I've got two book series that I'm working on now. Book one of the second series (yet to be named on both accounts) is getting close to done. I am also seriously considering gathering up all of my pulpy scifi and republishing it as a single e-book. 

I have found my notes for the backstory on the pulpy scifi. I am debating if I'm going to take them and work them up into a book and release that before the compilation of what I have up here as random shorts. I'm still at the decision making stage. But I have at least found my notes. I am highly annoyed with Eleon Musk for naming his thingy 'neuralink' because that was in the earlier versions of this thing that I had published on a web forum about ten years ago. That pulpy scifi has some history to it. 

I'm still thinking about sacrificing time to the nap gods. I am not feeling completely well right now. Still, I have stuff to get done. So, I'm going to two fist coffee and water and power through. Relive college for a day or something. Wish me luck?

NaBloPoMo 9: Brainz?

 Dear Reader,

I'm of the opinion that it shouldn't take two weeks to get over a sinus infection and a head cold. The antibiotics are still doing their job. My head still feels like it's packed with wool. It's slightly less painful but I don't know if that's because I'm getting better or just getting used to the feeling rotten part of this thing.

I've been doing some writing. I just broke the 20k word count barrier. I'm going to try for the next major milestone, 25k. That means I'm half done with this thing. Editing is going to be headache, but it always is. I just hope that I have enough mental fortitude to get something cohesive on the page. In the meantime, my alpha reader is still working on that other non-fiction project. And let me tell you, I knew it wasn't looking good because the manuscript was three different sources mashed together. He's reported back that it's bad. We're also thinking it might be going for the world record for the number of uses of the word 'and'. At least I got most of the comma splices and semicolon splices out of there.

I thought that project was going to be about a month of work. I was a fool. That thing is going to take a lot longer to clean up and modernize the language. And I am more than a little sure that I am going to make people angry with this. At the same time, I think this version is going to open up the audience and make things more accessible. Which is the whole reason why I started on that project. For now, however, I'm going to stick with this urban fantasy that I'm writing and try not to put in too much gibberish due to being feverish as I am writing.

NaBloPoMo 8: Meme Edition.

 

If only word count did that, am I right folks?

NaBloPoMo 7: So close to that goal but so far away.

 Dear Reader,

I'm in striking distance of 20k words on my NaNoWriMo manuscript for this year. I'm trying really hard to get writing time in during this weekend. It's been hard because I felt like garbage most of the day yesterday and focusing was almost impossible. This sinus infection and head cold are possibly beginning to clear up. I think my intermittent fever finally broke. It just is hard to write when my brain says the world is spinning around me slowly at a 45 degree angle when the reality is entirely different. Despite getting started late, I'm about three days ahead of the official word count for the day.

My goal is to get as much done this week as I can accomplish because the school calendar has changed due to Covid-19 stuff (as I suspected was going to happen). The two days before Thanksgiving break that were half days have been changed to digital learning days as have the two days after the break. The biggest challenge in all of this is if I have to reschedule my dentist appointment (which I've been waiting to get in since April). Beloved says that he thinks he can help me get that sorted out.

All editing work has been pushed off to January 2021. I know that the next two months are going to be too chaotic to really focus on any of it. I did the read through again of book V of the Umbrel Chronicles and it still looked pretty solid. I also did a read through of book VI. It has some weak points that are going to need to be re-written. I still haven't finished writing book VII. I have to get on that at some point, I just don't know how I am going to fit it in.

I'm trying to focus on my writing and not worry about the political stuff going down. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris getting the nod gives me hope. At the same time, his orangeness is going to do something insane. His more violent fringe supporters have threatened to spark civil war. I don't think there's enough of them to accomplish that. At the same time, I am concerned there is going to be an uptick in domestic terrorism on the behalf of that guy. I can't go protest the crap that his orangeness has pulled because of things with my health that would make exposure to tear gas potentially fatal, never mind that I have children to care for. I don't know what to write. The steady march towards fascism has me still horrified. The fact that we have concentration camps in this country makes me feel sick. 

I tell myself that things will get better. First they're hard. Then they get weird. Then they get better. We're still at the hard phase. I have a feeling it is going to get a lot harder as people try to go back to ignoring that almost half this country think that human rights have a price tag.

NaBloPoMo 6: Zombie writer at work.

 Dear Reader,

This sinus infection is still kicking me in the face. Despite that, I've broken the 10k barrier on the NaNoWriMo project. I still have no title for it, but at the moment I am just trying to get the ideas down. I figure the title will come when I'm in the editing process. Major scene that I'm entertained with is when the antihero throws a bad guy into traffic and the bad guy gets hit by a bread truck. I was always told by my brothers that if I was going to get into a car accident, it was going to be with a bread truck. I knew that I had to some how work a bread truck into a scene where someone was getting taken down. I'm pretty amused with how it came out. It is dark humor but that's the best kind, right?

You may be wondering what my NaNoWriMo project is. I won't be posting excerpts up here because it's completely unrelated to the Umbrel Chronicles. It's an urban fantasy novella set in a LARP universe that I had the privilege of playing in. The creator of the LARP saw my fan fiction and asked me to do a little writing for him. I squeed in a key that was heard by the neighbor's dogs alone. It's been fun trying my hand at writing urban fantasy. I think when I finish this thing up, I will write another one with my own setting. While it's been a pleasure and an honor to play in his sandbox, I think I need to put out something in my own sandbox.

My pulpy science fiction stuff is on hold right now because I lost my notes. It's not that I lost a notebook as much as the desk at the thumbdrive that I had everything on. I'm still trying to find that thumbdrive because it has some of my fan fiction on it and I can use it to augment what I'm currently writing. I'm not going to cheat and boost my word count by just lifting whole passages from the the fan fiction, but I'm going to take some of the scenes and rewrite them.

I can literally say that I am powered by coffee right now. If it weren't for the pot of coffee that I just drank, I'd be unconscious on the couch at the moment. I am, however, trying to get myself more alert and awake because the kids are going to be home from school in about an hour. I'm going to need to stay on my feet then. You can't have the inmates running the asylum. It just doesn't work that way.

NaBloPoMo 5: Still ded, sorry.

 Dear Reader,

This stupid cold and sinus infection has me sleeping terribly. I woke up at 4 am practically choking on congestion. It was a nerve wracking few minutes. When that passed, I was wide awake (for obvious reasons). I tried to go back to sleep, I really did. I spent the hour staring at the ceiling and rehashing scenes from LARPs I had played in over ten years ago. I spent my time thinking about plot ideas for other books. I laid there with my mind spinning a million miles a minute. There was no way I was going to get back to sleep.

I was tempted to sneak into the living room and do some typing but Beloved had passed out on the couch. I didn't want to wake him up. It was just agony to have so much stuff flying around in my head that I couldn't pin down and write about. On one hand, the thoughts were vivid and relatively well organized. On the other hand, they were like trying to catch a handful of smoke when I tried to actively consider them. Put that together with the wooziness I had going on and, well, I knew that I had a fever with out having to check the thermometer. At least it wasn't hypomania, otherwise I'd have been filled with the compulsion to clean EVERYTHING and organize ALL THE THINGS. And then I'd never find anything again. Because hypomania makes my brain itchy until I do that. And when I am organizing things, I think to myself that because it is organized I'll find it again.

Since my last hypomanic episode, I'm still trying to find where I put the packet of taco seasoning. I know it's here somewhere. I know it is in the kitchen, even. But I can't find it. I keep getting more taco seasoning and it keeps going missing when I have brief hypomanic episodes. Somewhere, there is a cache of taco seasoning going stale and turning into taco flavored, packet sized, concrete. Thank goodness that when my hypomanic episodes hit, I don't go and start organizing my writing stuff. I'd be an utter mess if that happened. *knocks wood*

NaBloPoMo 4: *thud* I am ded.

 Dear Reader,

I'm ready for a nap, and it's just barely past 1pm. This stupid cold and sinus infection are working together to make me feel exhausted and a bit woozy. Trying to get a solid idea to write down is like trying to grab a handful of smoke. On the plus side, my fever is finally coming down so I am not going to have to worry about delirium. I haven't attempted to write anything on my NaNoWriMo manuscript yet today because the kids still are doing digital learning right now.

Time I usually spend writing, I am spending reminding one kid to stop looking at cat pictures and pay attention to the class. Or I'm spending it checking the other kid's spelling and grammar. And there's a dash of let's do math. I hate math. It make my brain hurt. And yet, both kids need some academic support with their mathematics. They're at two completely different levels of competency and have completely different academic challenges. The rapid switching between their needs is almost as exhausting as being sick right now.

I want to write fun stuff, but my brain is like jello and it is all I can do to keep up with the kids.

NaBloPoMo 3: What?

 Dear Reader,

I can't follow kid logic. My kids are busy doing class work and talking. Some of the stuff I over here just baffles me. For example: What would you do if a giant chicken with no beak was chasing you? I'd keep a list of the stuff that they come up with but it's hard to keep up with them. My writing prompt box would be completely full within a week, I'm sure. I try to keep kid logic in mind when I am writing characters that are children or child like. It's sometimes hard to do so. I took a child psych course at college, but it doesn't help me as much as the experiences I had working in education. Watching kids solve problems and try to get to the unexpected answer is interesting. Their focus is on fun and learning is secondary. As a result, they go to strange places in their problem solving. Sometimes it works and no one can figure out why. Sometimes it's a spectacular failure. Kid logic has only two out comes: wtf success? and wtf flaming failure? Either way, you're left going "What?" a whole lot.

NaBloPoMo 2: Day late again.

 Dear Reader,

I was up half the night before coughing due to this stupid cold. My telemedicine visit with the family doctor ended in him prescribing a hefty dose of antibiotics because every time I blew my nose, blood profusely came out. We're pretty sure it is a sinus infection on top of a head cold. Not the Coronavirus but not fun either. I'm feverish and feeling kinda rotten. At the same time, I am trying to stay on top of the kids' academics while they're home from school sick.

I was in despair that I wasn't going to have the spoons, time, or ideas to write anything for NaNoWriMo this year. Then, a half hour before I had to head to bed, an idea struck like lightning. It's not going to be a full length novel. But I have a start on a novella that will work for the informal project that I've got going with the creator of one of my favorite LARPs. I feel a little bad that I don't have all of my notes from the beginning of my participation in the game, but I can rebuild things from a different perspective and keep the storyline intact.

After all, that's what I did when my first novel got destroyed, then shredded, and then deleted. It was hard work, but each iteration of the thing improved it to the point that the concept of the first book has turned into a series. Things that were glossed over are now actual plot points and such. So, we'll see what this novella will turn into. I'm probably going to write two novellas this month, if life lets me. I'm not even going to worry about word count. My focus is going to be on just getting the story down. Because NaNoWriMo is about getting the ideas down on paper in as much detail as you can manage.

NaBloPoMo 1: Day late, but whatever.

Dear Reader,

I've been sick most of the last four days. It started out as a head cold that I caught from the kids. Now it's a sinus infection. And my fever is creeping higher slowly as the day goes on. The medication is keeping it in a safe level but I feel loopy. I am at a loss if I am going to do NaNoWriMo this year. I have no plans (but that hasn't stopped me in the past) but my schedule is a mess. I'm trying to work around the kids' schedule while they're home sick and it's been challenging. If we go to remote learning, I don't know how I'll get blogging done, let alone editing on existing works or writing a draft of something new.

And that's before you factor in the mess of anxiety that I have going on because of the election. It was weird that Walmart pulled their guns from the main floor and put them back into the stock room for an hour before returning them to the storefront. They cited concerns for civil unrest. Then backpedaled to say that the civil unrest is in isolated areas. I have no idea what to expect over the coming week. I am worried about if this election is going to literally cause a civil war. At the same time, I am worried about my kids performance at school getting negatively effected by the fact that they've been home for a week. And, on top of this, I'm fretting about my health again because my blood sugar is running high due to my having this stupid cold (which is turning into a sinus infection). 

I'm rambling right now because my kids are running around the house being loud. If I had something cohesive, I'd be posting better content right now. I blame my kids and this damn fever.