Dear Reader,
I have no words to express how much I appreciate your constant companionship. The fact that you remain interested in my blog despite my difficulties posting helps me have hope. I am severely depressed right now. I shall be seeing my doctor soon. Other issues in my life are negatively impacted by my depression and it just spirals into a great big chaotic mess by the end of the day. I try to find the words to write for you. This is the best I can muster right now.
I had plans. Those plans keep slipping through my fingers as depression tells me that there is no point in writing anything anymore. It is perhaps some of the worst experiences of inspiration. I'm inspired to grieve. I have been inspired to contemplate horrible things happening due to anxiety telling me they are going to come to pass regardless of how realistic they could be. I have found myself inspired to come up with arguments to rehearse that I'm never going to have because I'm not going to be talking to those people ever again.
When it comes it writing anything for pretty much any project, the inspiration goes flat. Then I stare at the screen for a while, feel like a failure, and go do housework to try to make myself feel better. And I am the sort of housewife who rather hates housework. It is not that I am washing the dishes to avoid writing as much as it is I am washing the dishes so that I have concrete evidence that I am capable of doing something.
Do not fear, I shall not be doing anything rash. As I have said, I have an appointment coming up soon. I have my loving family for support. I just am having a really hard time right now. And I wanted to express my appreciation for your support.
♥
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