Dear Reader,
The chaos of the holidays is hitting full force. I've been madly making gifts and getting ready to bake a ton of cookies. We've been cleaning and trying to get the apartment ready for Yule. I realized yesterday there's no way I am going to keep up with blogging until things settle down. Which looks like that'll be in about three weeks, if I'm lucky.
Dear Reader,
I'll be the first to say it, it is heavy reading and the language is a bit ponderous at times. At the same time, if you're looking to write kinky smut, you get to have a view into the workings of one of the most infamous minds through his writings. It can inspire some scenes or characters with just a cursory reading. If one takes the time to actually chew through the heavy dialogue, there's the reward of understanding just what motivated the Marquis De Sade and an opportunity to take elements from this and apply them to your characters.
Of all the works that the Marquis De Sade wrote, perhaps the most infamous is his novel Justine: Philosophy in the Bed Room. It examines gender roles, power dynamics, and the practical application of various kink oriented concepts. This is not a book for the faint of heart. It is also a product of its time. As a result, there are elements that translate really badly to the modern mindset of readers. If you take the book and examine it as a work of its time and place it into context, you can see just where the Marquis De Sade was standing on the matters of human rights, sexuality, and consent. Again, I warn you, this does not fit the Risk Aware Consensual Kink paradigm.
The collected works of the Marquis De Sade is not only useful to people who are writing erotica that has a darker edge to it. It can also be useful in writing legit torture scenes for characters in horror stories. The Marquis De Sade had a brilliant mind for inventing scenes that are blood chilling. Given his reputation, it begs the question how many of the scenes that he created for his entertainment in his writings did he put to the test. It also leaves the question of what did he choose to leave out because he decided it was too much.
It was a fascinating and horrifying read all at the same time.
I'm just not sure what to write today. I am so tired and run down. And we're still at the beginning of the holiday season. SAD is not my friend. I am in the uncomfortable position of buying stuff for everybody, which makes my anxiety spike. Never mind the anxiety that I have over this entire time of year to begin with. I worry that I'm going to offend someone if I give them the wrong gift. I worry that my gifts will be insufficient (especially if they're home made). I worry that I don't show enough holiday cheer and that I'll be subject to people attempting to forcibly cheer me up. (It's happened in the past, it was a rotten experience that I don't wish onto my worst enemy.) And there's a boatload of trauma surrounding this time of year.
Basically, the holidays suck for me because my brain can't get past the shit of the past to be able to enjoy the present. As this is going on, my kids are growing and I feel like I'm missing out on making special memories with them because I am just too screwed up in the head to do stuff like make tons of cookies to give away and decorate to the point that it's almost ostentatious. Throw in my memory issues and it's hard for me to recall the previous years and what the kids enjoyed. It's awful and I feel guilty for things like not being able to remember my sons' first real yule celebration and what toys they loved the most.
I kinda hate this time of year. I try to hide it. I try to keep a pleasant face. But this time of year stresses me out, makes me depressed, and I have a lot of anger surrounding it based on past events. It's a heavy weight to carry and try to act like nothing's wrong. Because the moment the kids suspect that something's not right with me, they get super anxious and stuff. It's exhausting. I kinda wish I could just turn it all off and not feel anything over the next month or so. But I know that is a bad way to cope, so I have to find other ways to deal with it.
Dear Reader,
I keep talking about book seven of this series but then I realize I forget to post links to the books that are on the market right now. I have this series of books (The Umbrel Chronicles of Evandar) and a mystery novella out under my name. I also have a series of religious books for a small goddess oriented faith that I am apart of out under a pen name as well as a book on the psychic arts. Take a look at the list below. Maybe you'll find something interesting.
The Umbrel Chronicles of Evandar
Vol 1. The Dragon's Daughter
Vol 2. The Dragon Child of Evandar
Vol. 3 Shadow Fall
Vol. 4 Shades of Twilight
Under my pen name Brythwen Sinclair:
Rose Petals: A Filianic Psalter
A Year with Déa: A Filianic Book of Meditations
Garlands of Grace: Filianic Rosary Meditations
Drowning in Light: A Mystic's Notebook
The Unabridged Filianic Calendar Devotional
The Clear Recital: The Children of Déa Version
The Veiled Witch's Ritual Book, Vol. 1: Filianic Rituals and Rites
The Veiled Witch's Ritual Book, Vol. 2: A Lokean Devotional
The Veiled Witch's Handbook for Psychics: A Practical Guide to Divination and the Psychic Arts
I'm beginning to feel like the freewriting exercise that is the Morning Pages is an exercise in futility. I tend to complain and write about trauma instead of writing about anything relating to this blog or anything more interesting. I recognize that I have a boatload of trauma that I'm working through but I feel like it's just word vomit of the most unpleasant nature when I get these posts done. It's frustrating because I want to be writing about other things.
I am still stuck on book seven. I haven't touched it in months. It is a combination of depression and frustration that's been keeping that one in a holding pattern. I'm depressed because I am struggling to make sales with these books. And I'm frustrated because the final scene for the book refuses to gel no matter what I do. I'm half tempted to just delete the whole damn document and start over again. That, however, will get me nowhere and leave me feeling even worse.
I keep trying to write poetry. It's not working out well. I am reminded that I am terrible at acronymic poetry. I don't even know why I started with that form but the stuff I'm producing is really bad. So, I put aside the poetry notebook and don't look at it until it's late in the month and I start swearing and remember my little goal of writing one poem a day. I used to be prolific in my poetry writing. Now, it barely happens. Beloved says it's because of my depression. I don't know if it's that or if I just kinda got frustrated that I couldn't do anything with it and sort of gave up.
I want to write an epic poem on par with Beowulf. I know, that's a huge target and it takes a lot of effort, but watching a friend of mine translate The Hobbit into Old English, I feel like I should be doing something equally challenging. Beloved argues that I am currently doing that by juggling a number of blogs, trying to run two businesses (my writing and my tarot reading stuff), and actively running my household (which means keeping tabs on a preteen and a teenager).
I miss the days where poems came to me easily. Now, it's like pulling hen's teeth and that makes me sad. I feel like I've lost something. I miss painting and drawing sketches of things like birds. I used to be more artistic and engaged but over the last several years, I just kinda gave things up. My plan for 2022 is to try to pick up those threads and get back into it. I think it'll help with my depression and mental illnesses if I was doing those things again. Art therapy is a thing, after all. Right now, I just am tired and frustrated. I'm not sleeping well and my anxiety is high because it is the holiday season. It sucks.
Dear Reader,
Here's a concept that may sound a little weird. Your protagonist is battling against the setting to accomplish their goal. Think of the dangers of extreme weather. An ice storm, for example, is a setting/event that creates dramatic tension, especially when at night. Your protagonist is left questioning if they have sufficient supplies to weather being cut off from civilization. They are wondering if tree limbs are going to fall on their shelter and if they're going to be without heat or power. Nothing is quite like the ominous noise of freezing rain pelting a window in dead quiet after the power goes out. Time ceases to have meaning in that moment until your protagonist has a source of light and, hopefully, a clock.
A hostile environment that the protagonist has to navigate has lead to some pretty interesting narratives. If one considers the movie Cast Away (featuring Tom Hanks and a volley ball), the entire narrative is heavily influenced by the environment. The interplay between Hanks's character and the environment is emotionally charged, which is projected into the character's interactions with the volley ball. The environment as the antagonist isn't just the thing of fiction, for in reading On Walden Pond, we find that the environment is fickle and even Henry D. Thoreau isn't immune to the challenges.
Many historical narratives of catastrophic environmental events are riveting because we see humanity pitting all of their skill and wit against the most merciless opponent, nature itself. We can follow the examples that we have from historical record and put our characters into positions where they are struggling to survive with nothing but the goods in their hands, the clothes on their backs, and their wits. Such stories can be triumphant or tragic, depending on how the author chooses to write the narrative.
Dear Reader,
First, I owe you an apology for this post being two days late. Life has been exceedingly hectic here and I've been struggling to keep up with everything. I find myself thinking that I am turning into a curmudgeon regarding the holidays because of all the stress and general stuff that needs to be done. That rant aside, let's take a look at honesty in your prose.
Honesty in poetry is relatively simple. Especially with blank verse. You can just spit out idea after idea and call it done. In prose, we're tempted to edit as we work. We are tempted to change the phrasing so that it isn't quite as raw and that can weaken your work. Now, I am not saying that you should not edit your work. Proper grammar and such are important. Making sure that your work flows in a reasonable way that makes it easy for your reader to get through is vital. But when in the editing process, take care on what you cut out of your work.
Emotional and psychological vulnerability is a rare thing in fiction and virtually non-existent outside of the genre of autobiography when it comes to non-fiction. Thus, when you write a scene that moves yourself to emotional response, no matter how much it may squick you, don't delete it. Rephrase it for clarity and polish it up for presentation. But do not remove the essence of the scene. You want your readers to feel that connection with your characters. This is part of the essential process of suspension of disbelief.
All great books manage to suspend disbelief. Usually, it is by way of gut wrenching emotional train wrecks and soaring beauty that makes the reader feel like they're part of the story. Keeping the emotional content in there keeps your readers hooked. The psychological component can give your readers empathy for your characters as they develop, suffer, and grow through the story arc. These two buttons for your readers' brains are excellent tools for you to deploy. Just keep the tension in the story even as you work through it all this way your tale doesn't drift apart before you're ready to end it.
I am desperately trying to catch up on work in a number of areas in my life. I feel a bit like Sisyphus. My kids are clamoring to get the holiday decorations out and up. At the same time, they're trying to dodge doing housework to clean up the apartment so that we can do so. One of my sons is struggling with school work right now and I'm trying to help him get caught up, but that eats time that I should also spend on cleaning up the apartment and putting laundry away.
I try to get my writing done and get my work in on Keen but that's not going too well either. My NaNoWriMo project still isn't finished. I'm trying to wrap it up so that I can move on to something else but it's just not working. I've fallen behind, again, on my blogging. (Sorry about that, folks, stuff like being stuck in the city all day because of a dentist appointment and errands keeps happening.) I haven't touched book seven of the Umbrel Chronicles of Evandar since last June because of how busy and difficult things have been.
To say the least, I am thoroughly and utterly vexed with all of this situation. I'm trying so hard to get back to my daily work habits and things just keep getting in the way. It's making me angry and a bit depressed (on top of the Seasonal Affective Disorder fun that's going on right now). I try to think of solutions to this and none of them have been working.
And we still haven't gotten the holidays stuff figured out. I'm panicking a little bit over that one because I don't know what to give some very important people in my life. Usually, I have this settled by the beginning of Autumn. Because this year has been hellish, that didn't happen. The handmade gifts are just not going to happen this year because I can't knit or crochet fast enough to get things done in that length of time. Cookie-mageddon may be happening or I may not have the energy for making six batches of cookies. The kids were helpful in coming up with ideas but they want nothing to do with the cooking process. Again, vexing is the word for it.
I'm trying to catch up but the more I do the more behind I get it seems. I kinda hate the holidays because it adds more pressure on top of everything else.
Dear Reader,
The works of great fiction are filled with all of these details that can be distilled down to a simple set of rules.
1. Great characters must have more than the goal of the plot to motivate them. They need to have depth and multiple dimensions of interest. If that is not in place, they're little more than a painted puppet being moved across a screen. This can be entertaining but it won't really draw your reader in.
2. Great characters interact with their setting as if it were real, because to them it is. You can't conveniently ignore the major problems that you developed in the setting chapters before. Nor can you ignore the major benefits that you set up chapters before. These things need to carry forward because they will have a continuing impact upon the character. Even an interaction with a throw away side character can have major implications for your main character's development.
3. Settings must be more than a mere backdrop for the story. They need to be complex and have dimensional qualities that are going to pull your reader into the story. A simple tree can be ignored but a mighty oak gets a little more attention. Describe your settings as if you are walking through them yourself. The details that you note are going to be the ones that your readers would likely note as well. Don't forget the five senses as you are describing your setting. Many people stick to visual descriptions but you can provider greater realism in your story the more you incorporate other elements of sensory input.
If you follow these three rules, your character will develop and become more real to your reader as the book goes on. This sense of the character being real is what will make your book more memorable and special to your readers. And, there is one last rule that is very important. There are no rules on how to write your own special book. Do what works best for you. Focus on building your own voice. While these three rules can be helpful, they are a guideline not a hard and fast rule of writing like that i before e except when ... oh, you know that one already.
The holiday season brings out a great deal of stress for everyone. I've been trying to clean up the apartment and get stuff ready to start decorating for Yule. The kids have been actively resisting this concept and I swear they are throwing more stuff on the floor than usual. It's really frustrating. My kitchen is a disaster because of NaNoWriMo and my having problems with panic attacks again. (The two are not connected, they just have been happening at the same time.)
NaNoWriMo ate my time by my being sucked into writing my book. I have hit 50k and I'm still not done with my plot. Now I am working into December to try to finish this blasted thing so I can send it off to my friend who is really interested in the short series of books I've written featuring his RPG setting. It's been an honor and a lot of fun to play in his sandbox. It helps that I actually got to participate in the LARP version as the game was going through Beta testing. That gave me a feel for how things work and it gave me an idea of how the mechanics would unfurl in a story. (My friend is a brilliant storyteller and writer. I'm really happy to be working with him.)
The panic attacks have not been so much fun. A guy that assaulted me is out of prison. I've been on edge and worried that he's going to somehow find me. Never mind that it's been almost twenty years since I lived at the location that he knew where to find me. I hear word from friends out in the big city west of us that he's skulking around in neighborhoods that his ex-girlfriends live and it makes me really uneasy. Those websites that let you look up a person's information if you have their name makes it all to easy to stalk them. Nothing unpleasant has happened, but I keep having panic attacks and nightmares that he's going to come to hurt and/or kill me.
Nothing like having a polyamourous relationship go wrong in a horrific way and then finding your third just got out of prison. You're left wondering are they going to try to find you. Are they going to try to destroy what you've got going on in your life now because you kicked them out of the relationship? It's just ugly from front to back. I never should have gotten involved with that guy. But, Beloved and I were fooled by his game and he did some damage before we got wise to what was going on. That's the problem I'm having. I'm afraid that C- is going to show up on my door step and expect us to welcome him like nothing happened. And when that door gets shut in his face, I'm afraid that C- is going to cause trouble because he's a petty and manipulative fuck.
Beloved assures me that C- has no idea where we live. He assures me that because C- is on probation, he's not going to go around and start causing trouble. I'm just anxious and still traumatized from the crap that C- pulled. So, I go around my day getting spacey and uneasy because of my c-ptsd. That makes it hard to function. Then I have panic attacks, which makes it hard to function. And I'm dealing with seasonal depression and the stress of the holidays too. All of this is bullshit and I don't wish it on anyone.
