I fell off the bandwagon of writing morning pages. I fell off the bandwagon of blogging daily. And I gave up on projects like the analysis of The Artist's Way. I feel guilty about it. But, a freaking pandemic happened. And I have teenagers in the house. And I have been having problems with my bipolar (type II) and my c-ptsd. It's just been all around a crappy time. Did I forget to mention that I have been seeing progress in at least one area of my life?
My diabetes is slowly improving. My A1C is down to 6.4, which is a pretty big deal considering that when I got diagnosed three years ago it was 12. I've lost weight and gone down about four dress sizes (if that's even a reliable measurement anymore, every brand is different it seems). I took some time during the last year to take a serious look at where I wanted to go with my writing and my life.
I wasn't blogging, that bothered the hell out of me. I wasn't working on anything but keeping the kids doing school work and preventing them from spontaneously combusting. Housework piled up because of the depressive episode that hit me, followed by my putting my back out, and then a week and a half of bad c-ptsd messed up thinking most recently. I just felt guilty about everything and like my horrible parents were right about how I was going to amount to nothing.
I made the mistake of looking at my revenue on KDP. A whole dollar with twelve cents for the month. It was enough to make me question everything because I was in a bad headspace to begin with. Beloved pointed it out that it was a dollar that I didn't have before. And that was a good thing. I grumbled but agreed with him. He then said "You know, you're not a machine. You can't produce product/content/stuff all the time. You're a human being with limitations and you're not lazy. You're overwhelmed."
I'm really lucky to have an understanding husband in that man. This year we celebrated out 17th wedding anniversary. It was going to be a romantic walk at a park we went to while we were courting. The mosquitoes were so ferocious that even bug spray with DEET in it wasn't enough to deter them. I don't know what's up with the mosquitoes this year but they've been bad in my neck of the woods. You can't go outside with out them swarming you. And I live in WNY, this is not the bayou or serious swampland.
It'll be cold weather soon enough. That'll kill the little bastards off for a while. Then I get to hobble around like an old woman because my arthritis hates the cold weather. But, my sons are old enough and responsible enough (sort of) that I can give them the job of shoveling the front steps and the walk for a bit of money. Now, if only that level of bribery worked on getting them to clean their room. It's a losing battle on that front. At least we've got the prodigious Lego collection and the massive creations contained to the kitchen. (Don't walk through there with bare feet, it's hazardous. Caltrops everywhere.)
I'll try to post something tomorrow and figure out where I'm at numerically speaking on the morning pages. Next week, I'm going to try to figure out where I left off with the analysis of The Artist's Way. So, look for something more about that in about two weeks. I have to re-read the chapter in question and take notes.
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