AW: Morning Pgs. 2025: Day 24

I desperately hope I can brain up something decent to write. I feel uninspired and rather hopeless. Looking at the situation my country is in and the course it is moving along, I can't help but feel like there's nothing I can do. It's a train wreck and I can't look away. I just don't know, folks, what any of us can do right now with these insane people in charge right now. I see people taking to the streets and protesting. I know there are letter writing campaigns going on. I know that people are lighting up the switchboard at Congress with their calls. But nothing is changing. We're still going along at full bore into hell.

I honestly believe that war is going to break out. The question is will it be civil war or will it be war with another nation. Either one is a possibility. I am apprehensive about the SAVE act. As a married woman, my right to vote is going to be stripped away because I took my husband's last name. They're claiming that it is to protect the country from voting fraud but that's not really the motivation here. The power players behind this bill believe that women should be in the home, barefoot and pregnant. They're working to strip away the rights that their grandmothers fought for. I don't think they even realize what they're doing.

I don't know. I really don't know anymore. I kept telling myself for years that this day was going to come even when people called me crazy for it. All that worrying, however, didn't yield much of a plan. Planting a garden and canning food is all I've got for ideas on how to handle this. Hunkering down and basically trying to weather the storm with old time skills and such. Because I think that's the only thing that's going to carry us through what's coming.

AW: Morning Pgs. 2025: Day 23

I haven't been well over the last few days. My arthritis has been acting up and I had a migraine yesterday. Throw on top of it all how the gloomy weather has made my depression act up and it's just been hard to have the motivation to do much of anything. The biggest problem, honestly, was the arthritis. My neck was hurting so badly I could barely turn my head. Sleep was challenging as a result.

I think the surreal nightmares that I had last night (for example, of filling out a job application) were due to a combination of the migraine medication wearing off, stress, and my body generally hating me. Every time I woke up, I was utterly confused as to why the dream was so terrifying. I mean, I am not the world's biggest fan of paperwork but a job application was evoking absolute terror in that dream. I don't think there's a deeper meaning to it. It'd be one thing if this was a recurring theme. It was just a strange night.

I forgot to use my CPAP last night. That may have contributed to the problem. I find the thing uncomfortable to wear. I truly dislike it. But when I don't use it, I have problems with my sleep. Apparently, when the sleep study was done last year, I stopped breathing 11 times per minute. Not as bad as some other people, but you're not supposed to stop breathing when you're sleeping at all. Breathing is supposed to continue, kinda like your heartbeat.

AW: Morning pgs. 2025: Day 22

 I have given up all hope of getting these pages done every morning. I will do the best I can but life keeps kicking me in the teeth. Theoretically, today I will have time to do some 'serious' writing. I am going to hope that I can manage it but I feel doubtful. My home is a mess. I have been trying to get cleaning done but as much as I finish, the kids come along and leave a mess. The sink is full of dishes that my eldest insists needs to soak before he can wash them. This includes all of the silverware except for about four spoons. If I don't wash it, it won't get done.

My youngest has been supposed to clean his room for a half hour every day. He takes the timer in there and shuts the door. To me there is no change in the state of chaos in there but he insists that it is cleaner when he comes out. I suspect he's in there reading comic books. Not that I was a child who would spend most of their assigned cleaning time reading. ;)

I am so worn out and I have no idea why. The grey weather hasn't done my mood any favors. I keep hoping for sunshine and warmth but it's not here yet. My brain functions better when the weather is fair and warm.