Listening to cinematic music is giving me no inspiration today. Usually, I find myself inspired to write or make art to that style of music. Today, it's just background noise. I feel tired because I slept poorly last night. I think that I have definitely entered into perimenopause with this business of night sweats waking me up for the last few months. That was probably too much information but it's what's on my mind at the moment. Second puberty isn't going to be half as much fun as second breakfast, I know that for sure. Why? Because I have two sons going through puberty right now. We tend to lock horns on a regular basis and this is just going to be worse because we're all going to be moody and hormonal. I feel bad for Beloved.
I am hoping that I can get through this phase of life with out my brain going too haywire. It's hard enough with the mental illness stuff that I am dealing with. It does make me suspect that my year long depression last year was due to hormonal changes. This is a documented part of perimenopause, the depression bit. I think it was just worse for me because of the bipolar and seasonal affective disorder. I have been doing my best to avoid depression triggers but the news isn't helping me any.
I'm not going to go into depth on politics at the moment because I don't have the energy for it. It is enough to say that Donald Trump's behavior and blathering has been triggering me to some extend because of the fact that he is an abusive bastard. That speech patterning seems to be universal with abusers. Something about it just trips a switch in my head and I dissociate and get depressed. Like how I spent most of life during my teenage years.
I am, at the same time, struggling with the urge to document for history's sake all of the shenanigans going on in the government. I was raised with the hope that I was going to go on and become the family historian. That didn't happen but the deep sense of responsibility to future generations and the desire to pass on knowledge is potent.
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