It's really disappointing to re-read The Artist's Way and find how much classism and ableism is in it. I have gone through the process of working through the book now once a year for the last five years, maybe a little longer. At first, I thought that I was just too busy to do it properly because I was working on it with two small children running around the house. Then I thought that I was struggling with the exercises because I was doing too much to keep up with it. Now, I realize that I had a couple of things working against me here.
First among them is the effects of my mental illness and disability. Second was the expectation that I could just sit down and get rid of the effects of these things on my creativity and my writing in specific by working through this book. I have come to realize that a good number of the exercises that Ms. Cameron has in her book puts me face to face with the long term effects of growing up in a traumatic household.
It is exceedingly frustrating to realize that my problem is not a creative block but rather repressed trauma. Why is it so hard for me to make sketches and not feel guilty about it? Because I was regularly punished for "wasting paper."Why do I feel inclined to hoard my art supplies instead of using them? Because I grew up poor and there was no certainty that they would be there if I needed them in the future. Why do I feel so anxious about just doing some coloring in a coloring book? Because if my work isn't "perfect" then I run the risk of "ruining" the whole book.When that happened as kid, the coloring book got taken away and thrown away because "what's the point if you can't even do this right?"
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