It's eight thirty-seven at night and I'm typing this. I'm sick with some kind of stupid virus that has me feeling nauseated and excessive heartburn. I slept terribly last night and slept for about half the day today. Right now my youngest child is fussy because neither his father nor I are budging on the matter of bedtime. My eldest child is attempting to comfort him, when he should just stop talking and go to sleep.
It's been a long day. Fortunately, my dear and loving husband has taken care of the dinner leftovers and sorted out the business of the kids' behavior right now. I'm not sure what to type aside from this running narrative. It seems like the country is a dumpster fire and I've got nothing positive to contribute because a bunch of reasons. All of them boil down to some manifestation of I'm too broke and too disabled to do anything beyond hammer away at my keyboard.
Shouting into the void only makes your voice hoarse. I may be somewhat depressed. Watching as we turn into the Gilead slowly and listening to people cheer this on disturbs me on a fundamental level. Listening to the inane blabbering of elected officials about impossible prospects (I'm looking at you, Ted Cruz, and your stupid ass 'space pirates'.) makes me want to NOPE out of social media. Not that I follow the guy, but he says something monumentally dumb and it pops up everywhere with people going WTF?
Beloved says that they're desperately trying to distract us. I'm sure they are. I just don't like the fact that my uterus is a gambling chit. I don't like the fact that the prospect of real war with Iran is a gambling chit. The list goes on. But the people in power don't give a damn about the real world implications of these things because they're not really going to have it effect them.
It's not their kids that go off to war. It's not their family that has to endure harassment because they're not cis, white, or heterosexual. They've got enough money to be insulated from the problems of the 'little people'. So, they don't give a good gods damn about any of it. It is all just abstract concepts that they can mutter jargon about with out a care in the world for the lives that they disrupt or ruin in the process of muttering that jargon.
I guess I did have something to natter on about. I'd say it was time to eat the rich but, honestly, I think they're so spoiled you'd get food poisoning. If it weren't for the fact that it wasn't a realistic thing, I'd say we take to the streets and scream until they listen. But they're not going to listen. They'll likely call the national guard to turn the fire hoses on us, if we're not dealing with gunfire and bayonets.
Cynical people would say to me that I have nothing to worry about. I'm by all appearances part of the privileged class of people. You look at me, the only thing that stands out about me as being 'other' is the fact that I cover my hair. Aside from that, I look like a 'normal' rural housewife with a 'normal' family. My disability isn't obvious. I've had people make smart comments about mental illness around me completely oblivious to how angry and hurtful it was to me.
But, somewhere, I'm on somebody's list of people who have got to go. Why? Because I'm disabled, because I'm not Christian, because I'm the mother of two autistic children, and because I'm an uppity woman. If it weren't for my social phobia, I would be out in the street screaming at the protests. I fear for the future with the greedy, self-absorbed, egomaniacs in power. This is a grim post, but the news is grim and you can't write horror to the level of what reality can bring you.
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