Trying not to give up.

Dear Reader,

I am not doing so great. This sinus infection is taking forever to go away. It's making it hard for me to concentrate on my writing. I've written myself into a corner with the final scenes of book seven. I have an army laying in wait about a badly fortified town with the enemy within. They're supposed to draw out the enemy and liberate the town. With a little magical combat in the process. Mainly, it is supposed to be draw the enemy out and butcher them. I'm stuck on figuring out how to get the smaller force to walk into the trap.

It'd be easier if the civilians weren't of concern. They could burn them out or besiege the town. But, these are the 'good' guys who want to have as few civilian casualties as possible. For some reason, the only fiction that is easy to write is fan fiction for a LARP I played in years ago. I keep writing scenes for that and I don't know what to do about them.

I am sad about this. I can't play in the LARP anymore because of life circumstances happening. I can't play in the other LARP anymore because of social circumstances and the life circumstances that keep me from participating in the other one. My creative expression has gotten limited again and my social outlet has shrunk because my night vision keeps me from going out to visit friends who live a few hours away in the evening. Thus, I don't get to have the improv acting experience that comes with LARP where I get to pretend to be somebody else for a few hours. And I don't get to socialize with my friends because I live too far away.

Writing was easier when I had more of a social life. Writing was easier when I had more creative outlets. Writing was a lot easier before I became disabled. I see my goals floating just beyond my reach. I say to myself if I just try harder, I can do it. If I find an end run around depression, I can go get it. I'm going to be getting a light box soon. I don't know how much it is going to help. I hope it will do me some good. Right now, I feel rather flattened by life and it's a struggle to get back up because I'm still getting kicked. Too bad I can't just rip the leg off of my invisible bully and beat the with it. Instead, I just have to keep trying to get up until the depression passes and I can work again at a greater pace.