Dear Reader,
We've got the cage match of the season going on ... in my head. My lack of posting hasn't been because I have forgotten about you. It has been due to my having some difficulties with executive functioning because of that list up in the title line of this post. Depression due to my bipolar has been kicking my butt. My seasonal affective disorder has started curb stomping my motivation and organizational skills early this year. And now my complex post-traumatic stress disorder has decided to join the fun with emotional flashbacks and now 'normal' flashbacks to ugly shit that happened in the past.
I've been trying to channel it into something, anything that will work to get it out of my head. As a result, I have about half of a novella written on something entirely different than stuff for this blog. I have a backlog of half started blog posts for my other blogs which I keep deleting and then writing over again (thanks, anxiety, you're an asshole editor). And I have been journal writing when I have the focus.
My problem is, focusing is really hard right now. Throw in a few migraines and some stomach troubles, and it's just been a great time. I had hoped that once the kids went back to school, my mood would improve. I had hoped that once I had more time for writing, I would be more productive. Instead, I have been struggling just to get the bare minimum of household chores done and ... Well, let's just say I'm not doing so great.
On the plus side, I didn't pay any bills too late. I still manage to get dinner on the table for the family. And we're well supplied with clean laundry (thanks Beloved for tackling that one). I know that this will pass. I'm still waiting to see if there's going to be a medication change because of this psychological shit storm I'm dealing with. I know the big issue right now is my c-ptsd. A lot of traumatic stuff happened around this time of year when I was younger. I'm just at wits end on how to put it aside and get work done.
I used to be able to do more. These last few months, I have been running smack into my disability headlong and it sucks. I remember being able to do more than this. I keep trying to get back to that level of ability but it's getting harder each year just to keep up. Hopefully, my doctor can help.
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