Craft of Writing: Working through Illness.

 Dear Reader,

I am a person with multiple chronic conditions. I am technically disabled due to them (but Social Security disagrees with my psychiatrist on this, screw them /rant). On a good day, I can pass for someone who is perfectly fine, albeit a bit weird. But the weird part has always been there, long before I became disabled. A creative mind is often one misunderstood by others and labeled weird. (Again, I could go off on a tear on this topic, but I digress.) It's really hard to work when you are ill, regardless of weather or not it is a chronic condition or not. Feeling rotten is often the enemy of productivity more than mere procrastination.

Currently, I am in a depressive episode and dealing with some c-PTSD fun. (If only there was a sarcasm font.) I struggle to keep up with my household tasks and my two very active children. When they're at school is my ideal time for writing but with this rotten feeling rattling around in my brain, I find I want to sleep until I feel better. (It doesn't work out that great for depression. 0 stars.) I also find myself struggling with executive function.

Now that's a term that might have thrown a few of you for a loop. Executive function is your ability to decide to do a thing and carry through on getting it done. Problems with executive function vary widely for many different reasons, like if you're so feverish that you have the focus of a goldfish then you're having executive function problems. Depending on the severity of your executive function difficulties, you may want to just put down the pen and step away from the word processor. If you have the focus of a goldfish, you are going to struggle to be coherent in your writing, to use that earlier example.

You have to know your limitations and work within the boundaries set by them. This can be maddening when you're literally months behind on work. When all you can manage is about fifteen minutes of work before your brain turns to mush on that front, just do the fifteen minutes of work. You can come back to it later when your brain is functioning a bit better (like after a nap for the poor soul with that fictitious fever). Pace yourself. 

Recognize that if you push yourself too hard when you are unwell, it only makes things worse. Your brain being mush will last longer the harder you push because you're not allowing yourself to rest when you need it. Take breaks, stay hydrated, and be patient. Even chronic illnesses will eventually get to a point where you can work at a rate that you're used to if given enough time. Let me give you an example from my own life as a disabled person. Because of my depression problems, I have about six months out of the year that I can work like a demon. The other six, I can barely string a sentence together and I suffer from dread of past trauma happening all over again despite the fact that it's been decades since the incidents in question.  This post is a bit of me pushing myself to write despite the fact that I am not doing well.

When Spring hits, the amount of sunlight my region gets up to a level that my Seasonal Affective Disorder (I hate it and I think it has the worst acronym ever.) goes into remission. From Spring until Autumn, I can work at a much higher rate. I have clearer thinking and more creativity. It's generally a much better time for me. Right now, I'm in the middle of SAD related misery and that triggers me c-PTSD. It makes everything a bucket of suck. So, I try to grind my way forward. I'm not a good example to follow on the front of taking breaks. I get mad at being ill and then try to force the situation to my will. It typically has mixed results for the task and I wind up feeling worse afterwards. I'm still learning to pace myself.