Dear Reader,
I put my back out last Wednesday and I'm not doing very well. The doctor put me on some unpronounceable medication with a name that looks like Scrabble tiles thrown out a window by the handful. It's supposed to help my spasming back relax. I go to my family doctor for my diabetes follow up on Friday. This back issue will be getting brought up if it isn't resolved by then. I am really hoping that I don't have to do physical therapy again because that sucked.
I'm not thinking very clearly at the moment. As such, I am not going to be blogging while I've still got this medication making me fuzzy headed. I don't want to accidentally post something stupid or completely ramble about stuff unrelated to anything of importance. I'm working on the Lokean manuscript on paper right now because it's more portable than my laptop. Also, I can lay down and still work on it. I can't exactly do that with the laptop.
Emotionally, I'm a mess because my c-ptsd got triggered by an argument with one of my sons. The fall out is still happening even though it's been half a week since it happened. I'm trying to get that under control. The muscle relaxant making my head a bit fuzzy helps to insulate me against the full brunt of the pain of the memories that keep coming up and the distress it causes me but I'm not doing well on that front. Again, something that makes it hard for me to focus and write up quality content. Right now, I just want to go cry where no one can see me but I feel like I can't cry because that would be weakness. (Thanks, toxic upbringing for the lose.)
So, there's a lot of stuff that's not going right at the moment and getting in the way of doing other things. Once I'm off of the medication that's got my brain feeling like Jello and I'm thinking clearer instead of caught up in this emotional hellish merry-go-round of trauma memories, I'll be posting again. Hopefully it will be a few days. I don't know.
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