[Redacted] was supposedly trying to help me. They looked at my journals and the things I was writing in the midst of a crisis. A few months later, [Redacted] used what I had written down - my innermost thoughts and my desperate attempt to keep my sanity through my writing - in an attempt to split up my family. It took me years to start journal writing to the same extent as I did before. Even now, I get afraid that some one is going to take my work and try to destroy my happy life that I have today.
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[Redacted] was another 'kind soul' trying to help me. They were domineering and attempted to dictate what I was supposed to be writing. They got angry when I didn't listen to their 'advice' and dumped a lot of emotional garbage on me for not being the perfectly obedient child. [Redacted] started telling me that what ever I wrote was going to hurt the family. They told stories of people getting death threats and having bricks thrown through their windows for writing the wrong material. They told me that no one was ever going to want the things I was writing and that there was never going to be a market for it. [Redacted] told me that they were the only one who could help me make a career out of writing because of their business degree and that some how, magically, meant that they knew more about the process of writing and selling a book than I could ever learn. [Redacted] tried to pigeon hole me into writing children's fiction because I was young and I couldn't possibly, in their mind, write anything for someone like an adult to read.
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Between [Redacted] and [Redacted], I have difficulty even today promoting and writing anything. I get afraid that my work is not good enough. I get afraid that my work is too taboo and an angry mob is going to show up at my door to destroy my life. I get afraid that everything I write, regardless of if it is fiction or not will be used against me to destroy my life.
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